Step 2

The question that you work with in this step of the process is:

What I am doing, or not doing, that is preventing my commitment from being fully realised?

Your sincerity regarding your commitment is not in doubt and you are almost certainly doing, and have done, a number of things toward fulfilling the commitment. However in life there are always constraints and conflicting demands on your time and so there are probably a number of things that you think would contribute toward fulfilling your commitment that you are not doing. There may also be some things that you are doing that, perhaps inadvertently, are keeping your commitment from being fully realised. So in this part of the process you are being asked to identify your role, however small, in keeping your commitment from being fully realised.

Examples of things that people come up with here include:

I am not taking time to think about what I really want or feel in most situations
I say things to reassure others, not get what I want
I am not asking my partner what would help right now
I fail to notice what other people do for my benefit

Take a while to identify at least three things you do or do not do that seem relevant here. Make the statements as concrete as possible, don’t be vague. The more items you identify and the more honest you can be the better the process will work. Do not include things that work for your commitment, just focus on the ones that work against it – and do not include justifications. Write down short statements summarising the actions you have identified.

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