This is the hardest, but also the most rewarding, part of unwinding a crisis. It is rewarding in at least three senses.

First when you find out what you have done to create the crisis you will feel more empowered – your story casting you as a helpless victim is completely demolished.

Secondly discovering something about yourself maybe embarrassing, even shameful, but at least now you know and will not have to act it out unconsciously any more. There is a relief associated with this.

Third you will have made an invaluable contribution to rescuing your relationship. If your partner has not yet found their 50%, you finding yours will both inspire and guide them to find their contribution.

So how do you go about it? You will need to make use of a personal awareness tool or process. There are several described under the tools section of the website. They are Criticalness Exercise, Wise Man fantasy, Immunity to Change and Joint Reality.You may have other tools from other traditions of personal awareness. Simply use whatever tool works best for you to uncover your unconscious. It goes without saying that logic, reasoning, thinking and arguing are all completely useless at uncovering unconscious material.

When you think you have uncovered your contribution then own up; talk to your partner about it and allow them to help you understand it more deeply. This will also help your partner understand their 50% – it is amazing how these unconscious trips interlock so perfectly in intimate relationships! A good example of how this has worked in our relationship is here.

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