I want to be as conscious as possible as I die. My aim is to be in divine contact with Eva; it is the only way I’ll be able to say goodbye to the love of my life. Consequently it is important to me that my consciousness is as clear as possible. For some time I have found it easy to contact my Self, the one I have experienced on Enlightenment Intensives. I sometimes doubted it was really that one, but whenever I put my attention on that Self I was full of love, smiling and in a mild bliss state. It is also that one that can fall into Divine contact with Eva. So that’s the state of consciousness that I wan to retain and protect.

Fortunately I am in no pain, so I do not have to take any medication for that. Quite early both my palliative care doctore and my GP recommended I use oral morphine as a way of alleviating breathlessness. Apparently morphine can interfere (beneficially) with the cough reflex and reduce anxiety associated with being breathless. I think it helped me a little. It did not appear to have any negative effect on my consciousness – until I tried to visit my wise man (described here). Then I discovered that at a deeper level it was indeed affecting my consciousness and that to be clear of its (subtle) effect I had to abstain completely for two days. I could not detect the effect when meditating or doing dyads – other than Eva and I didn’t make Divine contact in dyads. I decided to cease taking morphine completely and since then have been able to visit my wise man and make Divine contact with Eva.

In October 2025 my GP prescribed an end-o-life treatment used in palliative care. It was a steroid (Dexamethasone). After two days on the steroid I was  amazed at the transformation of my body. My cough vanished. I was no longer bringing up spittle and phlegm every two minutes. My appetite returned and I put on some weight.  I was also full of energy, but this was frustrating since I remained breathless. Nevertheless I was able to do a great deal more than before taking it. The dose I was on at this stage was 6mg per day every day.

However on day 5 I woke up with a pounding headache and felt dizzy whenever I stood up. I experienced an intense pressure in my head that was extremely uncomfortable. I was peeing a lot because my blood sugar levels were elevated and I had lost control of my anger – “roid rage” its called. I alsol realised that I had lost the capacity to be in touch with my Self. The headache and dizziness were sufficiently bad – and unresponsive to things like paracetemol – that I decided to cease taking the steroid. However this had to be done gradually; it took me a further 8 days to wean myself off the drug and a couple more days before I felt anything like normal. It was only a day or two after that that I was able to contact my Self again – and the joy I experienced when I did so dispelled any doubts about whether it was real or not.

However the effect of the steroid had been so dramatic I decided to explore whether I could gain most of the benefits without the negative effects. I began experimenting in the middle of December 2025 and I am writing this declaring the experimentation a complete success in July 2026. I found that I need to regularly cease taking the steroid altogether to prevent a build up in my system. I also need to occassionally use sleeping pills since the steroid can cause insomnia. I am currently taking 1mg on day 1, then 0.5mg for two further days and then ceasing for one day before restarting. My cough is dramatically reduced, my appetite and general energy are good. I am delighted to have the extra time. And, most importantly, as far as I can tell my consciousness is not being affected – I can access my wise man and make Divine contact with Eva in our dyads.