This section describes the main stages that Eva and I have been through over the last 2+ years. Much of it will be unique to our particular circumstances, but it may also provide some insights into what to expect when approaching death and the end of the relationship.

June 2023 to December 2023. This was a period when I received the first diagnosis and underwent a sequence of medical procedures . The first procedure was a stent operation, normally a simple 30 minute procedure, that went wrong and took more than 2 hours. I had a second operation a week later to complete the procedure. Then, at roughly monthly intervals, I had biopsies undertaken to establish the exact nature of my lung cancer. The first two biopsies failed and the third involved entering my lung through my chest to obtain a sample of the cancer. By November we both thought I was dying and that the cancer was advancing rapidly. I was coughing so much it was impossible for Eva to sleep with me (a major disaster) and I had to attend A&E twice due to serious heart effects. To our surprise I recovered by Christmas 2023. It turned out it was the repeated invasion of my body that had caused my deterioration and once that ceased I recovered. In retrospect I would not have done anything differently; all the procedures were necessary to determine my treatment options.

Jan 2024 to June 2024.  Although I had recovered from the collapse in November I was still unwell. In January I saw the lung specialist to discuss treatment options and learnt that there were none available for my particular cancer. The cancer would kill me. The specialist said I had at least a year, maybe more before the end. By March I needed a further stent operation (apparently this is normal). But the medication I had been given to prevent a blood clot in the stent (which would have been fatal) was making me ill. In June, with the encouragement of my GP, I researched the risks of ceasing the medication (see Medications for further details) and was delighted to cease taking them early in June.

July 2024 to December 2024. Once I recovered from the heart medications my coughing reduced dramatically, so too did my breathlessness. I was able to live my life much as I had prior to June 2023, albeit a bit slower.  With the agreement of my oncologist I did not have any procedures or appointments until late in the autumn,. I then had a scan that showed my cancer had grown more quickly than previously. At the end of September the oncologist gave me 6-12 months to live .

January 2025 to June 2025 Over this period my breathlessness was becoming worse. I ceased taking the last heart medication (a beta blocker) and this reduced my cough further. I started to experiment using Oramorph when I wanted to undertake work outside. The period was one in which many people came to say goodbye. Because we live in an isolated place they invariably stayed overnight. By late June this was becoming very stressful, So Eva and I decided to cease having visitors from early July onwards.

July  2025 to October 2025.  Apart from occasional visits from our children we spent our time alone together. We went away to fancy hotels, but mostly stayed at home having a ball. I now use Oramorph when I want to do anything that involves exertion and I have to move slowly. In the middle of October we both thought I had come to the end; I had no energy or appetite, my coughing and breathlessness were much worse and unusually I felt depressed. It turned out that this was when my right lung collapsed completely causing many changes internally.

November 2025 to date. Early in November my GP prescribed a steroid as an end of life treatment. It was a miracle drug, giving me back energy, appetite and suppressing my cough and breathlessness. However after 5 days I suffered such severe negative effects that I had to cease taking it. By December I wondered whether I could have any of the benefits without the negative side effects and started experimenting. By drastically reducing the dose and ceasing to take it at all for a day every few days I have achieved this goal. My breathlessness continues to become worse, but most of the time I’m really enjoying life and exploring new things to learn about.