I, Jake, am approaching the end of my life, which means that Eva and I are approaching the end of our relationship.

I have been blessed by a cancer that does not spread, grows very slowly and does not cause me any pain. I am over 80 and have l had an amazing life. I have very few regrets and an abundance of wonderful experiences and memories. Whilst I would welcome more time to enjoy life and my wife, I’m ready to go. This is an important context for all that follows.

The initial diagnosis was more than 2 years ago and I still have some time left. The purpose of this section is to provide an account of what we have had to face as we approach the end and the tools we have found helpful. It has been a surprising journey and whilst everyone’s journey will be different, some of what we have experienced may be of relevance when you are also facing the end of your relationship.

Here is a brief introduction to the sub-sections of this section. You can jump to any of them by clicking on the title.

Stages.  This describes the main stages of the process we have bene through over the last two and a bit years. At the time we thought that the stage we were in was the last one, but that was not the case.

Dying Dyad. This was an innovation we started just over a year ago. The section explains why we thought it necessary and includes a video of us completing a dyad in August 2025.

Key Lessons This is a summary of the things we think are the most important lessons from the process so far. We think these are likely to apply in a wide range of circumstances and not just the specific  conditions that we faced.

Jake’s Experience. This is short video setting out my subjective experience.

Eva’s Perspective. This is her account of what it’s like watching her long term partner approach death and the trips it has put her through. She will probably add to this after Jake’s death to describe what in fact helped and what didn’t.

Friends and Family Here I describe how I have dealt with saying  goodbye to our children and many friends. It has been a blessing to have so long to do this. But not everyone has wanted to participate.

An Interview  A friend of ours, Chris Connors, is a Death Doula and he interviewed us together to record what our experience has been. The interview is in two videos.

Ageing. Here we want to communicate what we have learned becoming old together. Ageing is not an easy or pretty process. However we think that we have become closer and more intimate as a result of sharing becoming older together.

Medications and Conscious  Dying. This is an account of my experience to date of keeping my consciousness clear and the effects of a couple of medications.